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As far as Cristiano Ronaldo’s current employers - Manchester United - are concerned, the soccer stud is not going to Real Madrid, despite his desire to be transfered.

He’s going to need to stay put and fulfill his contract!

In a statement on United’s website, the club said, “We are not listening to offers.”

On Thursday, Ronaldo said, “In two or three days’ time I will announce my future because my tournament is over. I will speak to United. I will try to reach an agreement and we will see.”

Crissy, doesn’t look like the Reds want to talk about it!

According to the BBC, Manchester United have already reported Real Madrid to world governing body Fifa over their public courtship of Ronaldo, although the organization decided to take no formal action.

The fee for Ronaldo is estimated at $100-$160 million.

Hot damn!

[Image via WENN.]

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Mike Meyers has a bit of a reputation for being a biyatch (not to mention neurotic), and he definitely lived up to expectations this week!

The comedian made an appearance on NBC’s Late Night With Conan O’Brien on Wednesday to promote The Love Guru.

However, an insider says he was driving the staff backstage crazy.

According to reports, Mike “sent a team of interns on a wild goose chase for Silk nondairy creamer, Twizzlers and raspberry seltzer. Then he sent one of the interns back out to get him a new drink when he realized his seltzer was not the brand he requested.”

It doesn’t sound too crazy or diva-ish, actually.

Why didn’t he just send his boyfriend to go get it all???

[Image via WENN.]

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But this time round, it’s as a suit!

According to Variety, Jim Carrey is the co-creator and exec. producer of an HBO comedy that pays homage to the late 70’s-80’s era Comedy Store in LA and its then owner Mitzi Shore (Pauly’s mom).

Carey was part of the influential wave of comics in the late 1970s and early ’80s who got big career boosts by performing at Shore’s famed Comedy Store.

Comedienne Lisa Lampanelli - the really funny chick from all those roasts - is attached to star as the character based on Shore.

Lampanelli + Carrey X HBO = funny (we hope)!

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Jamica really really hates gay people!

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The Kooks have done a great cover of Peter Bjorn & John’s instant classic Young Folks.

There’s no whistling in the Kooks’ verion, but they did add a female vocalist for a little pizzaz.

Check it out!

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Bad news for self-loving Mario Lopez!

Turns out Katie Holmes wears the pants around Broadway.

Mrs. Tom Cruise is set to make her Broadway debut this September in All My Sons.

However, in order to make that happen and offset the cost of having her star in it, they’re going to need to use the same theater that currently shows A Chorus Line.

An insider reveals, “Katie wouldn’t sign a long-term agreement with her show, which is why it’s the limited run that it is. They had to figure out how to make more money with the time they had with her.”

So the solution was to move to a musical theater.

The insider adds, “Musical theaters have more seats than a traditional playhouse, so they can sell more tickets each week. That’s how the show ended up at the Schoenfeld Theater (where “Chorus Line” runs). Because of the “All My Sons” rehearsal schedule, they had to cut Mario Lopez’s run in “A Chorus Line.”

As for Lopez, the source says, “He might be People’s hottest bachelor, but he’s pissed. Let’s face it, he doesn’t have much going on right now.”

Burn!

Let’s hope Katie’s show doesn’t suck too hard.

But it probably will!

[Image via WENN.]

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Burger King is set to launch the world’s most expensive burger ever at a fast food restaurant!

The burger will even make Guinness World Record history, beating out 1994’s American Double Truffle Burger.

B.K.’s latest creation is simply called The Burger.

It will include flame grilled Wagyu Beef, topped with white truffles on a truffle bun.

The Burger is going to cost £95, so a bit over $185.00!!

Thankfully, this is only available in the U.K. In America, people can barely pay for their gas!

It is being described as having “The world’s most succulent Japanese beef complemented with white truffles, onion tempura prepared in Cristal champagne and Italy’s finest Pata Negra prosciutto.”

Many believe this is clearly a publicity stunt.

Sounds like one to us. Hey, it worked.

One critic says, “This is just a PR stunt, even more absurd than the coffee costing virtually as much as a semi-detached house in Crewe. Burger bars are desperate to move up market as more people question why they are filling their bodies with fast food. But who will really spend £95 in Burger King?”

As for B.K., their vice president of marketing, David Kisilevsky, has said “The Burger is an extension of Burger King’s quality burger menu and is aimed at burger aficionados, looking for the ultimate burger taste experience. It reflects our ongoing commitment to producing the best quality burgers for a range of different pockets and reinforces our quality credentials.”

Too bad we’re on a diet and trying to eat healthy.

We could so go for a Burger right now!

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